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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23351398">Palpatine-gate</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang'>idrilhadhafang</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Breaking the Fourth Wall, Dark Crack, Dysfunctional Family, Family Drama, Fandom Allusions &amp; Cliches &amp; References, Gen, If Your Grandfather Is Also Your Dad and Uncle You Might Be A Palpatine, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, Metafiction, Parody, Past Shmi Skywalker/Sheev Palpatine | Darth Sidious, Pseudo-Incest, Rey Needs A Hug, Snark, surprise incest</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:53:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>623</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23351398</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Never underestimate the power of a retcon and a deleted concept from Revenge of the Sith.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sheev Palpatine &amp; Rey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Star Wars Crack, Trope Bingo: Round Fourteen</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Palpatine-gate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Disclaimer: I own nothing.</p><p>Warnings: Squick, Fridge Logic, Fridge Horror, may break your brain into small pieces.</p><p>Author’s Notes: I am sorry for this. I probably will give the “I’m My Own Grandpa” song a run for its money.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Long have I waited,” Palpatine said, “For my grandchild to come home.”<br/><br/>It was then that one of the dark-cloaked Sith acolytes walked up to Palpatine (and why he was attached to some sort of claw-like apparatus, Rey had no idea) and whispered in his ear. Rey couldn’t make out what he was saying, but...apparently they didn’t just chant ominously?<br/><br/>“What? By Plagueis, this is ridiculous.” Palpatine sighed, almost like he was tired; it was bizarre seeing her grandfather look exasperated. <br/><br/>“What happened?” Rey said. <br/><br/>“Well, apparently,” Palpatine said, “I am not the actual Palpatine despite my callback to the opera scene with Anakin Skywalker — or should I say your uncle.”<br/><br/>"That’s not funny,” Rey snapped. <br/><br/>“No, ‘funny’ would be throwing Senate seats at Yoda. I must say,” the clone mused, “It was worth every second. You have no idea how much he annoyed me and how the Jedi Order couldn’t defend Dexter’s Diner...but I digress. If I was joking, I would be laughing right now.” He sighed. “Apparently, I’m a clone. Anyone who makes even a <em>reference </em>to Weird Al Yankovic will be thrown into Exegol’s pit.”<br/><br/>“Well, where would someone get the DNA for that?” Rey said. <br/><br/>“It’s a terribly long and boring story. Also, apparently, your father’s a clone of me. So he’s also my son and my brother.”<br/><br/>Rey blinked. “That makes no sense!”<br/><br/>“Well, we’re created from the same source material,” the clone said in exasperation. “So the original Palpatine would be my father, and I would be your grandfather, uncle and father all at once.” A beat. “Force, even as a theory, that idea is disgusting...”<br/><br/>“So,” Rey said wryly, “We’re ripping off <em>Empire Strikes Back </em>now?”<br/><br/>“Oh, please,” the Palpatine clone said disdainfully, “People have been accusing your debut as a rip-off of <em>A New Hope </em>from the start. And you’re <em>surprised </em>that your director decided to borrow from the most pivotal movie of the Skywalker saga?”<br/><br/>“That’s not true,” Rey said. <br/><br/>“You don’t see the resemblance? A hero from a desert planet, a Resistance vs. a fascist dictatorship, a wise mentor...”<br/><br/>Rey tried to process the very idea she could be like Luke. She failed to imagine him as anything other than the bearded hermit she met. <br/><br/>“But anyway,” the Palpatine clone said. “Anakin’s my son. Technically. Me and his mother had a rather torrid one night stand; she doesn’t like to talk about it.” A beat. “Now, Rey, don’t look disgusted; I didn’t always look like this.”<br/><br/>“Okay,” Rey said slowly. “So if Anakin’s your son, I’m also his niece and sister, Luke and Leia are my cousins and also my niece and nephew, and...oh Ri’ia, I saw my cousin and great-nephew shirtless.”<br/><br/>“Well,” the Palpatine clone said, “It was originally set up by Snoke, or your uncle, your brother and...” A beat. “Sweet Plagueis, this is complicated. Though apparently there’s information coming in that the dyad somehow existed from the beginning despite you and Kylo being ten years apart, so...” He sighed. “And I thought <em>my </em>plans were convoluted. No wonder Darth Traya wanted to destroy the Force if it plays jokes like this...”<br/><br/>By now, Rey was wondering if this was a bizarre nightmare that she was having. She had to have eaten bad food before bed; it was the only explanation that didn’t give her a headache. Maybe Jedi could have just plain weird nightmares.<br/><br/>“My head hurts,” she said. “And if I were a droid, I’d be begging for a memory wipe.”<br/><br/>“Don’t blame yourself,” the Palpatine clone said. “Retcons are not to be underestimated in terms of the confusion they can wreak on a family tree. Or deleted lines from the Revenge of the Sith script.”</p>
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